826seattle

You've seen Chicago's Super Spy Show, the Boring Store.

But have you visited Michigan's Monster Union?

Ann Arbor's 826Michigan (map) is a non-profit, after-school tutoring program that offers free writing classes to students age 6-18. Like 826CHI, the center is part of a nationwide 826 chain founded by novelist Dave Eggers that seeks to get kids learning by soaking each of their centers with an overarching fantasy narrative. Students at 826 centers learn in highly-themed environments that encourage them to tell stories of their own.

Lots of after-school programs boast devoted volunteers and nice facilities.

But how many of them double as Super Hero Gear shops (826NYC)?

As Pirate Boutiques (826Valencia)?

Space Travel Supply Companies (826Seattle)?

Or, for that matter, Monster Hangouts?

Since I had such a great time touring Chicago's Boring Store last February, dropping by 826Michigan last weekend was a no-brainer.

But instead of spy gear, this time around I stumbled onto a sweatshop publishing company run by a mysterious, cranky monster.

The world's meanest editor: What is a T. Blotch?

Ann Arbor's 826 center, "The Monster Union Local 826" was founded two years ago by Ann Arbor writer Steve Gillis. It has been up and running for over two years now and offers drop-in tutoring, bookbinding classes and evening workshops. Anywhere from 5-15 kids will turn up for drop-in sessions led by volunteers while the workshops always fill to capacity (schedule).

Do not be confused by its humble, commercial-rental-space exterior. Inside hides the lowliest operation in the grand "Blotch Publishing" empire, owned by tyranical, impossible to please editor "Thaddeus T. Blotch."

Like all good publishers, Blotch staffs his operations with the cheapest labor he can find, in this case, Ann Arbor children, whose efforts he heartlessly exploits in his endless effort to make millions, according to 826Michigan Executive Director, Amanda Uhle.

"To say that he is moody or crotchety would be an understatement," she says of the crafty monster who edits her students' writing at the end of each session.

Like all editors, Blotch has his own peculiar tastes that impact his assessment of his unwitting employees' work, she says.

"He hates kittens, bunnies and especially unicorns. Fluffy stuff just is not tolerated. And, he has a real problem with stories about toast. We tell everyone to stay away from that subject entirely," she says. "It’s not like he hates everything, though. I’ve seen him respond really well to stories featuring boogers, bulldozers, insects, that kind of thing."

According to 826Michigan Program Director Amy Sumerton, Blotch, who keeps an always-locked office in the corner of the center's writing lab, is also quite a mysterious character.

"No one's ever seen Blotch. Anyone who claims to is lying," she says. "He somehow gets in and out of his office through the ceiling. A small group of students saw a helicopter taking off from the top of the building after a workshop one night, which may well have been his."

According to Sumerton, Blotch is also an emotionally conflicted monster with a hidden agenda.

"Blotch prefers, on a day to day basis, to ignore 826 because he hates children," she says. "However, he keeps us operating because he sees the value in teaching children how to write compelling stories, so that when they are older he can publish their books and make millions."

Once inside...

Greeting all 826Michigan visitors is the Monster Union's store, which peddles ghoulish baubles to kiddies and adults alike.

Notice the severed hand protruding from the left shelf. This is stiff stuff.

Let's take a look around...click for part 2: "Monsters Inc."

826Michigan Monster Union Store highlights...

Jinx, the store's two-headed guard dog sits by the main entrance, looming over a feed bowl, inviting visitors to pet him (and drop some change in the piggy-bank money slot in his back). He was hand-made by volunteer Marian Short, who posted a how-to guide on Handmade Detroit.

This severed monster head, also created by Short, stands watch too, asking you to feed him some cash. Fingers reaching into his mouth mingle with his monster tonsils, which happen to be set of hanging sleigh bells. Read Short's tutorial for creating this guy here.

In the back corner stands the store's finest set piece, the Scream Machine, used by Blotch and his monster buddies (who only come around at night when the place is empty) to create their favorite drink, made from the screams of youngsters. According to Uhle, who I found to be a highly unreliable source, a child can scream into the metal hose at the machine's center and tasty monster beverage will flow from a black hose.

She also said this was cooked up and provided by the prop department at the University of Michigan. Neat-o eh? Alas, it was out of order during my visit.

826Michigan is supported by a number of donors according to its website, including Whole Foods Market, the Staples Foundation for Learning, Barnes and Noble, the local Toyota Tech center, Wal-Mart and a host of individuals and families (full list) Uhle's always on the lookout for another donor, of course. (donate here).

Do you accept Monster-card?

Let's see what's actually for sale in Blotch's shop. Like the spy goods at 826CHI, each item is accompanied by some funny copy, in this case a description accompanied by some choice comments from Blotch himself!

My favorite item for sale by far was this one, called simply "Dank."

DANK $2.00

Life too full of sunshine and fresh air? Let the dark clouds roll in with the musty bluster of industrial strength DANK! canned in Uzbekistahn by very sullen fellows, our special blend of DANK is guaranteed to have at least six (6) clumps per can. That's 30% more stifle than the next leading brand.!

Blotch says... "This is one of the three products in the store I actually use. My driver keeps an open can in the glover compartment of each of my cars."

To see some other highlights from what's on sale in the store, including "Ducks of the Darned" and "Monster Drool," click here.
They also have a pretty terrific selection of books on hand in the shop, courtesy of Dave Eggers McSweeney's publishing outfit. List of titles with Amazon links. Titles include McSweeney's, The Believer, The Future Dictionary of America (in which Jonathan Foer, Eggers and other famous people make up new definitions for words) and Noisy Outlaws (featuring stories by Neil Gaiman and Lemony Snicket). The store also sells a compact collection of stories written by the kids in the program themselves, one of which Uhle was kind enough to give me.

Like all 826 centers, 826Michigan has a healthy, but admittedly unusual preoccupation with mustaches. I noticed a flyer (read full-size) on the wall of an annual "Mustache-a-Thon" fund raiser in which participants competed to see who's mustache could pull in the most donations for the center over the Mustache Blog.

For only $20, a volunteer would grow a "William Shakespeare" while growing a "Gabriel Garcia-Marquez" will set you back a cool $50 and a "Philosopher's Circle," a hefty $500.

I have no idea what was happening here.

Like I said, "healthy but admittedly unusual."

While my tour of Chicago's Boring Store was a lot of fun, I dropped by there on a Monday afternoon, while class was in session, and so wasn't able to poke around the actual writing lab.I visited the Monster Union on a Sunday, however, which means we get to see where the writing goes down.

Beyond the store and down the hall....(Follow the monster footprints)

...lies the writing lab. Notice the creepy eyeball window in the distance.

Posted there by the door are the 10 commandments that the center operates under, which you can read in full here. (Their no-music rule is really surprising but actually makes a lot of sense...)
Click below for part 3, in which we get an up close look at Blotch's office window and see some truly bizarre illustrations and writing. Also, I guarantee you a sentence that will knock your socks off.

Part 3: "Into the fiery sun"

Into the lab

Welcome to Part 3 of The Methods Reporter's tour of 826Michigan's Monster Union tutoring center in Ann Arbor.

This is where it all happens. And the best part is, the place is just teeming with great little bits that the kids made to impress Blotch, many of which would be right at home in a Dave Eggers-penned book.

Case in point. The lab's magnetic poetry door.

I could have read this thing for an hour.

Highlights:

"I am smoking because the fiery sun will kill new concrete."

This piece of gold belongs on a shirt, friends. If you design one, drop a comment with the link below so we can all enjoy it.

"Find subterfuge in delirious space"

If that's not a good description for the theory behind these 826 centers, I don't know what would be.

They've also got a book full of writing prompts that the volunteers use to get the kids started each day. According to Uhle, afternoon sessions consist of a group storytelling experience, facilitated by a volunteer who writes down the kids' plot suggestions on a white board. Click here to read some of the actual prompts they use.

Visual Aid

While the kids spout off story and character ideas, another volunteer illustrates the plot as they concoct it. Here's a look at his easel, in which a skeleton and winged dog with a fez on his head (or is that dynamite) explain the fundamentals of a good yarn: characters, plot, toast and setting.

Of course!

The artist who cranked out that drawing and the one below is C. Jason DePasquale, an Ann Arbor comic artist who also mans the counter at the Monster Shop according to the 826Michigan web site.

Looking at DePasquale's drawings pinned up around the lab give glimpses into some of the stories being spun each day after school.

A poorly drawn donut with a mustache, I might add. what could have been happening here? Perhaps Mr. DePascuale or someone else will enlighten us via comment.

What story could this have been from? "The Continuing Adventures of Dragon-riding, Anthropomorphic Hamburger?"

And then this gem, which appears to be from a story about a bird-legged, one-armed geezer in a trench-coat who keeps his old beard proudly mounted on the wall.

Approach the monster

After the kids complete their work for the day, after they finish slaving away for their horrible, horrible editor, they must of course hand it in for his approval.

The picture above shows his corner office in the lab, along with the teller window that the kids pass all their work in through. Let's take a closer look.

During my visit, the window was surrounded by looks like the remnants of a strange police-booking. Students seem to have had to trace their hands and then write some explanation for their behavior. Some of these were quite clever.

Like Kenneth, who regrets nothing.

And earned himself a lawsuit by proclaiming his disdain for Blotch's legal system.

This child appears to have high-fived Edward Scissorhands.

While Daphne refused to be deterred by cooler heads.

I suppose one could look at each of these drawings as a form of micro fiction? They do tell a story, each of them after all.

And here's the white board where the magic coalesces and takes shape.

What's next for 826Michigan? According to Uhle: growth.

" Just recently, we have really been given the opportunity to reach out beyond the cities of Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti," she says. "And we have plans for major activities in five different school districts in 07-08. We have also started to do more activities at community venues (libraries, festivals, etc) and hope to continue that."

While the center currently has 30+ volunteers pitching in (many of whom come from U of M), Uhle says they're always looking for applicants. If you live nearby and are interested read this.

These 826 centers have hit on a formula that seems to make a lot of sense. If you want kids to tell stories, give them a writing environment that immerses them in one. Seems so simple.

If you're anywhere near Ann Arbor, be sure to stop by and see what's happening.

Maybe the Scream Machine won't be out of order.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll see a helicopter lifting off the roof.