West Rogers Park immigrants break the rules for Valentine’s Day

Young South Asian residents of West Rogers Park plan to take their Valentines to American restaurants on Thursday. But it’s not just a matter of cultural assimilation — it’s also to stay out of sight.

Tension between older and younger generations in the local South Asian community reflects escalating anxiety over Westernization in South Asia, where Valentine’s Day is considered by some to promote decadence and promiscuity.

Nevertheless, young people in South Asia and in West Rogers Park have embraced the holiday with enthusiasm.

“I would love to go out on Valentine’s Day,” said Aisha, the 22-year-old daughter of Pakistani immigrants who asked that her last name not be used. “But my parents are narrow minded and wouldn’t allow it. I would have to go to an American restaurant in a different neighborhood so nobody would see me.”

Valentine’s Day has always been surrounded by controversy. Pope Galasius first recognized it in 496 A.D. to commemorate a martyred priest, believed to be Bishop Valentine. Valentine defied Emperor Claudius II’s restrictions on marriages by performing them in secret. For that, he was beheaded.

The controversy continues today, as rapid economic development and globalization have led to increased exposure to Western holidays in South Asia.

“The root cause of the tension is not Valentine’s Day,” said Jay Luthra, director of the Indo-American Center on North California Avenue. “It’s the tension that comes from Western countries.”

In the past 10 years, Hindu nationalist groups like Shiv Sena have attempted to stop and even hurt Valentine's celebrators in India by crashing parties, disrupting shops and restaurants and burning cards in the streets. Anticipating violence in 2001, paramilitary troops were deployed in the state of Uttar Pradesh to keep the peace.

But despite the intimidation, young people in India descend on shopping centers in droves. Prasanna Bhosale, 23, an Indian national and West Rogers Park resident, said some Indians refer to the holiday as “gift shop day.”

Dev Jain, 35, a manager at the Viceroy of India restaurant on Devon Avenue, said he believes the trend is indicative of a booming new class of people with money to spend.

He said last year in India, there was a special Valentine’s Day wine that sold for around $25,000 per bottle.

In Pakistan, Valentine’s Day is morally condemned by some fundamentalist groups. But unlike in some Islamic states such as Saudi Arabia, where the BBC reports rising black market sales of roses and clandestine midnight deliveries of illegal bouquets, the holiday has exploded among the mainstream in Pakistan.

Oman Ijaz, a Pakistani resident of West Rogers Park, celebrated his traditional Pakistani engagement on Feb. 14, 2001. Ijaz, 28, who already has a bottle of perfume wrapped up for his wife, said Pakistanis take the day a few steps further than most Americans.

He said flamboyant, glitzy bouquets are hard to find because of their popularity. “No offense to Americans,” he said, “but they don’t know how to do bouquets like we do — with every kind of color and glitter.”

One of his friends even covered his entire car with roses before he picked up his date, Ijaz said.

But in West Rogers Park, Ijaz, who works at Sher-a-Punjab restaurant, said it’s rare to see unmarried Pakistani couples out for a romantic meal.

"They might be seen by someone, so they prefer to go somewhere more American,” he said.

Aisha said she can’t spend Valentine’s Day with her secret boyfriend of nine months because her parents would be suspicious if she went out that night.

“I’ve basically been here all my life,” she said, “but my parents don’t let me do anything that’s taboo.”

Men have it easier than women when it comes to romantic taboos, according to Aisha and other residents. Saud Farooqi, a Chicago-born 22 year old, said his Pakistani parents might suspect that he's up to something, but they don't ask questions.

“I just do the usual thing,” he said. “Flowers, chocolate, maybe a movie. And then I have to go to a motel.”

But not all parents are opposed to shifting toward Western values, and Valentine’s Day also marks a compromise between some immigrants and their children.

Restaurant owner Kamlesh Kisore, 49, has three grown sons and has never objected to their Valentines. She said as the world becomes more connected, people are more likely to take on other traditions.

“When kids are happy, parents are happy, too,” she said.

Despite the underlying cultural tension, West Rogers Park residents are looking forward to celebrating on Thursday. Jain said he doesn’t have plans yet, but with one day to go, there is still time.

“I am still looking for my Valentine,” he said.

What bloggers are saying:

St. Valentine's Day may be thought of as just a sentimental, but ultimately silly, holiday by many people, but it is symbolic of what makes us in the West what we are, with our idealism and sentimentality. The celebration is emblematic of the stark contrast between us and the non-Western world. To them, our romantic love is corrupt, decadent, and intolerable. I think they see it as weak and feeble. And, isolated from the rest of the chivalric code, maybe it is. Christendom, the West, must rediscover the strength and justice aspect of chivalry, and not only the softer, tenderer side which, alone, makes us vulnerable to the predators abroad in a dangerous world.